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Jimmer Negamanee

Huntin' Jokes

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A game and fish officer got transferred from Colo. to Louisiana. His friend in Colo. told him to be ware as those cajuns are poachers and pretty tricky when it comes to huntin'. His first week there was opening day of squirrel season. He was hiding in the woods watching when he saw this cajun with a huge big brimmed hat with his head down walking. He watched him walk to a tree, look up and out fell a squirrel and hit the ground dead. He noticed he had no gun. Well this guy is up to something so he approached him, told him he was game & fish officer and needed to see his weapon and huntin' license. The cajun looked up and the officer was in shock how butt ugly this guy was. The cajun said heres my license but I don't have a weapon. The officer said I just watched you kill that squirrel. What did you use to kill it? He said I just ugly them to death. WTF. replied the officer. The cajun says I never use a weapon and neither does anyone in my family including my wife. The officer asks, Your wife's out here hunting squirrels like this too? The cajun replied, "I don't take my wife huntin' squirrels, She tears em up to bad"

LOL

No offense to the cajun's cuz I are one. Ttt

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I have one that is not really a joke, but a true funny story....

 

He loves steaks, and they are always cooked really rare and bleeding for sure.

 

He says...." the doctor told me, no more red meat, so, I just need to cook it to well done!"

 

We tried to explain the "red meat" issue, he just doesn't get it.

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A guys out sitting on a trail huntin one morning. Along comes this smoking hot blond jogging on the trail, as she gets close they see each other and their eyes lock. She looks at him with a big smile like she knows EXACTLY what he's thinking. She says "Hi" and he replies "Hi, are you game?" She looks at him and says "Yeah, I'm game". So he shot her.

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Way to long without some humor.

 

Friendship among Women:

A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.

 

Friendship among Men:

A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.

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So an atheist is hiking one day , admiring all of mother nature's beauty. When suddenly a giant grizzly bear comes charging after him , so he starts to run and suddenly trips . Right as the beast is upon him getting ready to pounce down on him he yells "God help me!!!".  Instantly everything freezes just as the bear was about to tear into him.  He hears a voice say "Oh, so now you want to believe in me??" He replies "well if your really God , how bout you make the bear a Christian?  If you do i will forever be a believer!"  At that moment everything unfreezes and the Bear stops cold and looks at the guy for a second. The guy sits their in disbelief and says "lord from this day on---". Then the bear starts speaking!!  "Father in heaven, thank you for this meal for which I'm about to receive".  

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When learning how to tell the difference between a grizzly vs a black bear a novice hunter was told by his guide, “when you come face to face with one just climb a tree and if the bear follows you up the tree and eats you, it’s a black bear and if it pushes the tree over and eats you, it’s a griz”

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Two hunting buddies are out in the field and one suffers a heart attack. His faithful friend and hunting partner assesses the situation and realized his friend could not make it back to the truck under his own power. So the friend pushes, pulls, and carries his pal to the I’ll truck and sets off for the hospital. Upon arrival to the ER the staff places the friend on a gurney as the driver jumps out and runs around the truck. Out of breath, he asks the doctor “Doc, will my friend make it?” The Doc replies, he might have if hadn’t field dressed him first”.

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Charlie was badly burned in a fire and died. To identify the body, the coroner called Charlie's best friends, Jed and Buck. The three men had hunted together for more than 25 years.

Jed arrived and when the coroner pulled back the sheet: Jed said, “Wow his face is badly burnt. You better turn him over."

The coroner rolled him over and Jed said, “Nope that ain’t him.”

Next, the coroner asked Buck if he could identify Charlie. When the sheet was pulled back Buck said, “Wow his face is badly burnt. You better turn him over."

The coroner turned Charlie over and Buck said, “Nope that ain’t him.”

The coroner asked, “How can you be so sure?”

Well, said Jed, "you see Charlie had two a-holes."

“What? Two a-holes?” asked the coroner.

“Yup, we never seen ‘em but everybody used to say, Here comes Charlie with those two a-holes.”

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A friend of mine has 2 tickets to the Super Bowl in Tampa, both box seats. He paid $21,500 each. It comes with a ride to and from the airport, lunch, dinner, and a $400 bar tab. Also, backstage pass to the winner’s locker room. He didn’t realize when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. If you’re interested, he’s looking for someone to take his place. It’s at St Paul’s Church in Orlando at 3 pm.  The bride’s name is Ashley. She’s 5’4”, about 115 lbs, and a good cook, too. She loves to fish and hunt. She’ll be the one in the white dress.

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