Huntin' Jokes

[couesobsession]

Darnit BASS! I was going to post that one eventually it is one of my favorites. The sad thing is its too close to the truth when it comes to how I go about hunting .

[SunDevil]

GO DEVILS!!!

 

[BASS]

Coueaobsession, you snooze ya lose! Lol you aren't kidding, I've driven off without guns or ammo a couple times!

[ThomC]

GO DEVILS!!!

 

 

 

 

The new coach?

[Hank]

Not sure if this is a joke, but it made me laugh until I almost pee my pants. http://youtu.be/lmP4PbhUKNg

[Hank]

Been a rough few days. I needed a good laugh.

[rackemup]

Ralph and Eddie go duck hunting to test out Eddie's newly trained dog. They get to the duck pond at 0'dark thirty...Ralph jumps out of the truck and starts walking to the blind...."Ralph...we don't need to hunt from that freezing, wet blind any more...we're gunna sit here in the truck with the heater running and let the dog do the work" says Eddie...puzzled Ralph gets back in the truck...first light rolls around and Eddie sends the dog over to the pond...a minute later the dog returns and barks three times..."that means there's three ducks up there" says Eddie. The two guys walk down and sure enough there are three ducks...they shoot them, the dog retrieves them and they return to the truck....after a day of hunting and a limit of ducks Ralph says to Eddie "I have to have that dog ....ill give you $50,000 for him" Eddie reluctantly agrees and sells the dog

 

Ralph takes the dog out by him self the next day...he Parks the truck and sends the dog to check the pond...a minute later the dog comes back and barks twice...Ralph walks over the hill, shoots two ducks, the dog retrieves them and they go back to the truck...a few min later he sends the dog back to the pond...the dog comes back and humps Ralph's leg then picks up a stick and skakes it...Ralph is confused so he sends the dog back....a min later it comes back, humps his leg shakes that stick again...Ralph feels that the dog has gone mad so he shakes it off his leg and shoots it

 

A day or two later Ralph runs into Eddie at the store and tells Eddie of the dogs behavior...Eddie gets excited and asks "well what did you do?" Ralph says "I shot him"...Eddie looks at him and says "you have to be the dumbest SOB I've ever met....that dog was just telling you that there was more ducks on that pond than you can shake a F***ing. Stick at!"

[tanclan4]

I have a joke. I saw Lark pricing a 7mm-08 in Sportsmans the other day and when he saw me he ran like a dirty stinky Javelina.

[Critter]

DEER CAMP

 

Four guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Frank's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Frank's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do? Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Frank sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.

 

"dang Frank, how long have you been here, and how the heck did you talk your wife into letting you go?"

 

"Well, I've been here since last night. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my easy chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes, and said, 'Guess who?' Well, when I pulled her hands away I discovered that she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She then took me by the hand and lead me straight to our bedroom. The room had scented candles and rose pedals sprinkled all over. She even had some handcuffs and ropes strategically placed on our bedposts! She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bedposts, and so, I did. And then she said, "Do what ever you want!!"

 

So... here I am.

[.270]

the best huntin' joke i know is tony villy-gas. Lark.

[Gthor]

So lately my wife has been working a lot of late shifts and the past couple of months she's been carpooling with a male co-worker. At first I didn't mind as it saves gas and in case she has car trouble or something like that, but it seems like they've become a little bit more than friends. You know....the phone calls that hang up, she starts wearing nice clothes to work and talking about him all the time...then abruptly stops leaving an uncomfortable silence.

 

If I'm out in the garage when she gets home (usually after midnight) he just drops her off and leaves, but if the lights are off in the garage and I'm in the house (they think I'm sleeping) they sit out in the car for about 20 minutes.

 

I asked her once what they were doing and she said, "Just talking". Whatever!

 

So, last night I decided to see what's really going on out there. So, I leave the garage door open and turn all the lights off. I go out in the garage and wait. In a few minutes his car pulls into my driveway and as I'm hiding behind some of my hunting stuff the headlights shine through my garage and I see something that I just can't believe.

 

The string, on my bow is fraying! Not real bad, but enough. How long should I let it go before I replace it?

[Shooter McGavin]

I heard that they found about 200 dead crows near Topeka , KS and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.

They had a Bird Pathologist examine the remains of all the crows, & he confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu, to everyone's
relief.

However, he determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, & only 2% were killed by an impact with a car. Kansas then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine the disproportionate percentages for truck versus car kill.

The Ornithological Behaviorist determined the cause in short order. When crows eat road kill, they always set up a lookout Crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.

His conclusion was that all the lookout crows could say "Cah", but none could say "Truck."

[SwampMafia]

Two hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture and bagged six big bulls. The pilot came back, as arranged, to pick them up. They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected and he said, "The plane can only take four of your elk; you will have to leave two behind." They argued with him; the year before they had shot six and the pilot had allowed them to put all aboard. The plane was the same model and capacity. Reluctantly, the pilot finally permitted them to put all six aboard. But when the attempted to take off and leave the valley, the little plane could not make it and they crashed into the wilderness. Climbing out of the wreckage, one hunter said to the other, "Do you know where we are?" "I think so," replied the other hunter. I think this is about the same place where we landed last year!"

[biglakejake]

january 2013 fellow down the street asks me to help him get an elk tag.

 

april 2013 fellow down the street gets a dec cow permit 1/2b/2c.

 

june 2013 fellow down the street spends a grand on a new rifle and 3 grand on a new scope.

 

november 2013 fellow down the street tells me he only has one leg but has a champ certificate of some kind.

 

december 1 fellow down the street says to me- "if it's so cold i have to wear long underwear i'm not gonna hunt"(stop laughing and wait for the punchline OK) WAIT!

 

then fellow down the street says to me- "when its cold my blood doesn't go where it's supposed to go. i lost my leg when i was hunting whitetails in the michigan snow wearing nice warm moccasins"

 

now thats funny!

 

lee

 

ps fellow down the street did not leave his cabin during the hunt and refused to donate the tag. not so funny.

[biglakejake]

actually the best hunting joke ever is the 7mm/08. gotta give the idjuts credit for the laughs...

 

lee