Meeting the In-Laws.....

[AmericanThunder]

This is an article that I found to be an interesting read. Every family has or will eventually meet the person that their son/daughter has chosen to be with and this has proven to be very polarizing in some cases. I have always found the topic of religion to be fascinating and enjoy talking to people about it. I have experienced this issue first hand and would like to know what other peoples take on it are. What do you think? Is atheism something that you would regard as unacceptable in your family, or to each their own?

 

http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2014/06/24/all-in-the-family-not-for-atheists/

 

[Antmo23]

Well, considering that I'm an atheist, id be ok with an in-law being one too. or Christian, or Luthern, or Morman, or whatever . as long as they are good people and are good to my kids, who cares what their religious beliefs may be.

[AmericanThunder]

Well, considering that I'm an atheist, id be ok with an in-law being one too. or Christian, or Luthern, or Morman, or whatever . as long as they are good people and are good to my kids, who cares what their religious beliefs may be.

 

I am an atheist as well and wish my in-laws shared your thoughts. We get along great, but they definitely wish I wasn't.

[bonecollector777]

I personally am a mormon and have always grown up learning that I should marry someone else that's mormon. The main reason is because when you get two people of different religions that are married it makes it very difficult on the children in many circumstances. They don't know what to believe or if they should go to mom's church or dad's church. Now having someone of a religion believing in God and one not believing in God at all seems to bring up even more issues. I personally believe when it comes to marrying someone you need to have a good religious based marriage to be happy. The whole purpose in life is to serve God and work together to get back to him someday. So when you have someone who doesn't believe in God that can't happen. Nothing against the person that doesn't believe in God because there are plenty of good people that don't believe. But as for me I would prefer my daughter/son/family member to avoid that situation.

[Antmo23]

I have a similar situation going on right now with my kids. My S.O.'s step father is a former preist and he is trying to get them baptized and in the church. That's not gonna happen. id rather my kids make up their own mind based off of their own research. If religion works for them, great, if not, great. i just want them to do the research and ask questions.

[Heat]

I find nothing wrong with letting a person decide on their own if they want to get baptized or worship at a particular church, but it is a parent's and sometimes a grandparent's responsibility to give children all the tools they need to succeed in life. A relationship with the Lord certainly couldn't hurt, but I am totally opposed with forcing one's religion on another.

[1uglydude]

I have a similar situation going on right now with my kids. My S.O.'s step father is a former preist and he is trying to get them baptized and in the church. That's not gonna happen. id rather my kids make up their own mind based off of their own research. If religion works for them, great, if not, great. i just want them to do the research and ask questions.

 

I hope you don't mind some unsolicited advice, and it's meant in the most respectful way possible, but as a guy who was once a child of divorced parents who had different religious viewpoints, I'd encourage you to listen to the kids and let the kids make the choice on their own. Maybe that's what you're already doing, but I would suggest against a blanket prohibition based on your own viewpoints on religion. Again, this is totally unsolicited, but just speaking from one father to another and as a person who was once in your kids' shoes.

 

I was once a young kid who wanted to be baptized into a church. My father, who was the non-custodial parent and technically didn't have the legal right to keep me from doing it, was against it. The church, recognizing that even though the parent with primary physical custody technically has the legal right to determine religious instruction, concluded that I should not move forward without my father's blessing. It was a sincere desire on my part, and I was making the decision on my own, without any prompting from my mother (there is a difference between prompting and support). The whole situation caused me a lot of pain, and it wasn't really fair for my father to put me through that simply because he hated religion. It was just one more trial that I had to go through as a kid because my parents decided that divorce was better than toughing it out.

 

Looking back on it, I think it was a combination of his hate of religion and a way to continue to exert control over our lives, but it damaged our relationship for a long time. Thankfully for him, it was the very religious instruction that he despised that taught me how important it is to forgive and show love and respect.

[Antmo23]

 

I have a similar situation going on right now with my kids. My S.O.'s step father is a former preist and he is trying to get them baptized and in the church. That's not gonna happen. id rather my kids make up their own mind based off of their own research. If religion works for them, great, if not, great. i just want them to do the research and ask questions.

 

I hope you don't mind some unsolicited advice, and it's meant in the most respectful way possible, but as a guy who was once a child of divorced parents who had different religious viewpoints, I'd encourage you to listen to the kids and let the kids make the choice on their own. Maybe that's what you're already doing, but I would suggest against a blanket prohibition based on your own viewpoints on religion. Again, this is totally unsolicited, but just speaking from one father to another and as a person who was once in your kids' shoes.

 

I was once a young kid who wanted to be baptized into a church. My father, who was the non-custodial parent and technically didn't have the legal right to keep me from doing it, was against it. The church, recognizing that even though the parent with primary physical custody technically has the legal right to determine religious instruction, concluded that I should not move forward without my father's blessing. It was a sincere desire on my part, and I was making the decision on my own, without any prompting from my mother (there is a difference between prompting and support). The whole situation caused me a lot of pain, and it wasn't really fair for my father to put me through that simply because he hated religion. It was just one more trial that I had to go through as a kid because my parents decided that divorce was better than toughing it out.

 

Looking back on it, I think it was a combination of his hate of religion and a way to continue to exert control over our lives, but it damaged our relationship for a long time. Thankfully for him, it was the very religious instruction that he despised that taught me how important it is to forgive and show love and respect.

That's basically what I'm doing. The only thing I'm prohibiting is a "brainwashing" of my kids before they know any better. My son is 5 and my daughter is 3. I want to wait until they are older before we have any religious discussions. But at the same time, I want them to have a somewhat clean slate when that time comes and I don't want a step-grand parent ruining that for his own satisfaction. I'm not against religion, I think it's a wonderful thing for literally BILLIONS of people, but it doesn't work for everyone and i am one of those that it doesnt work for. I find it too controlling and restrictive to a young mind that has a thrist for knowledge like I had and my kids have. (I swear I answer 800,000,000 questions daily...). Basically, I'm not pushing my views on them and I don't want anyone else pushing their views on them either.

[Antmo23]

A relationship with the Lord certainly couldn't hurt, but I am totally opposed with forcing one's religion on another.

I wish more people shared this sentiment...

[1uglydude]

 

 

I have a similar situation going on right now with my kids. My S.O.'s step father is a former preist and he is trying to get them baptized and in the church. That's not gonna happen. id rather my kids make up their own mind based off of their own research. If religion works for them, great, if not, great. i just want them to do the research and ask questions.

I hope you don't mind some unsolicited advice, and it's meant in the most respectful way possible, but as a guy who was once a child of divorced parents who had different religious viewpoints, I'd encourage you to listen to the kids and let the kids make the choice on their own. Maybe that's what you're already doing, but I would suggest against a blanket prohibition based on your own viewpoints on religion. Again, this is totally unsolicited, but just speaking from one father to another and as a person who was once in your kids' shoes.

 

I was once a young kid who wanted to be baptized into a church. My father, who was the non-custodial parent and technically didn't have the legal right to keep me from doing it, was against it. The church, recognizing that even though the parent with primary physical custody technically has the legal right to determine religious instruction, concluded that I should not move forward without my father's blessing. It was a sincere desire on my part, and I was making the decision on my own, without any prompting from my mother (there is a difference between prompting and support). The whole situation caused me a lot of pain, and it wasn't really fair for my father to put me through that simply because he hated religion. It was just one more trial that I had to go through as a kid because my parents decided that divorce was better than toughing it out.

 

Looking back on it, I think it was a combination of his hate of religion and a way to continue to exert control over our lives, but it damaged our relationship for a long time. Thankfully for him, it was the very religious instruction that he despised that taught me how important it is to forgive and show love and respect.

That's basically what I'm doing. The only thing I'm prohibiting is a "brainwashing" of my kids before they know any better. My son is 5 and my daughter is 3. I want to wait until they are older before we have any religious discussions. But at the same time, I want them to have a somewhat clean slate when that time comes and I don't want a step-grand parent ruining that for his own satisfaction. I'm not against religion, I think it's a wonderful thing for literally BILLIONS of people, but it doesn't work for everyone and i am one of those that it doesnt work for. I find it too controlling and restrictive to a young mind that has a thrist for knowledge like I had and my kids have. (I swear I answer 800,000,000 questions daily...). Basically, I'm not pushing my views on them and I don't want anyone else pushing their views on them either.

 

 

I can understand and respect that. My daughter has recently talked about baptism. When we asked her why she wanted it her response was "because all of my friends are doing it." Wrong answer. She's not ready yet. We'll continue to teach her and, if she shows a sincere desire when the time is right, we'll know.

 

One counterpoint though...if the plan is to prohibit all religious talk whatsoever until a child reaches a certain age, then that sends a message to the child as well. They form their own opinion on subjects based upon whether or not adults are allowed to discuss it around them. One might say an outright prohibition of all things religious based upon an argument that it is "brainwashing" is its own kind of brainwashing in favor of the opposing viewpoint.

 

In my own life, there was a time in my youth where I came to the conclusion that "well, Dad really hates this religious stuff, and he's going to be really disappointed in me if choose it. I know Mom loves me in spite of the status quo. So I'm going to do my best to please everyone I can at the moment and do nothing."

 

On the flip side, I had siblings whose first discussions on religion were Dad's theories about how a certain sect was nothing more than a mind-controlling corporation with no intrinsic value, and that's what stuck with them. They were never open to any religious instruction or viewpoint and weren't willing to respect the beliefs of others. One sibling likes to use the term "brainwashed" to describe our devotion, but I feel as if he was the one who had his young mind brainwashed before he had a chance to make a decision for himself.

 

[Antmo23]

I not only prohibit religious talk, but also my own atheist views. I don't want them swayed in either direction until they are ready. If they start asking questions, we'll discuss it at that time. But until then, I want all parties to stay away.

[1uglydude]

I not only prohibit religious talk, but also my own atheist views. I don't want them swayed in either direction until they are ready. If they start asking questions, we'll discuss it at that time. But until then, I want all parties to stay away.

 

I guess that was kind of my point. A prohibition of both pro-religious and pro-atheist talk sends a message in itself. The common denominator is religion, and the implied message is "we don't talk about it, so it must be bad." Again, only my own opinion here.

 

On the other hand, it's also kind of like when we don't talk to our kids about drugs, or sex, or pornography. At some point they are going to be faced with it, and they need a foundation to fall back on to make a rational decision, otherwise they are just going to follow whomever has their ear at the time, and you can only hope that they're making a good decision.

[AmericanThunder]

I really like the dialog this post has created. These are the conversations I enjoy having with people, because no two people share the same stance on this topic. I long for the day when religion can be openly discussed rationally and with an open mind. While that seems like a pipe dream, the amount of agnostic/atheist people in this country is growing slowly but surely and it is long overdue.

[naturegirl]

I believe the character of a person and who they are on the inside is more important than having the same religious views. If you can get both, the relationship will be easier.

 

[Snapshot]

I am a Baptist. I don't go to Church much, but I am spiritual.

 

I would have to say no to, Muslims, and Satan worshippers Don't want them in my family. I could handle just about anything else