Finding the passion again.

[coues]

I've been around a long time, but I don't post too much. I think Amanda has done a fabulous job with this place and I feel like I know quite a few of you even though we've never personally met.

I hope it's OK to ask for prayers for my self, seems kind of selfish, but this is the safest place I know to come to. If I come across too whiney. please cut me some slack and move on.

I'm never comfortable talking about myself, but I need to give a little background...

 

I've lived in Arizona since I was seven (1967). I've been here my entire life with the exeption of 4 years at a small bible college in California. All my life I've been totally in love with the outdoors. My dad started me out on quail and some deer hunting occasionally, although we never got one. After college, I met a guy who I considered to be the ultimate hunter. That year, he'd just finished guiding the governors elk tag and had vacation time to burn. A mutual friend introduced us so I took him into an area I'd been seeing a lot of bears. I hit it off so well with him and his partner, they started inviting me along on there own hunts. By the following year I was guiding with them as an aprentice. We stayed pretty busy between the guide trips and our own hunts. We spent many many campfires together, and enjoyed alot of success on elk, mule deer,whitetail, antelope, bear, and even a few sheep. Both my partners were within a few years of retiring when they where tragically killed in a small airplane on Nov 16, 2003 while scouting for elk. The odd thing about it, is most years I would have been with them, Tom had drawn the tag himself so we didn't have any clients booked. I was in the middle of moving so I begged off the preseason scouting. Otherwise, I might not be here today.

I lost my 2 best hunting buddies on 11/16/04. I had to drive up to the Williams airport and drive Toms truck back to his widow. That was such a painful experience seeing his half empty soda can on the center console, his jacket draped over the seat, and his binoculars were in the back seat. I still can't wrap my mind around the fact that they are gone forever.

Tom was truely a master with optics, and shared his knowledge with me and a few other well respected guides around the state. In short, he taught me everything I know, and I went from never filling a tag, to filling every tag every season. Our relationship evolved, and he then taught me the real meaning of hunting; Helping others discover the true pleasure of harvesting a trophy, and most importantly, the friendships cemented around the campfire. Losing them forever changed the course of my life....until...

 

 

Feb 5, 2004.

 

 

That is when I found out that my baby girl had been living in he11 for four years. Her step-father had been viscously molesting her daily from the time she was 12. As a father, I had let her down in the worst possible way, and my baby girl will have to live with it the rest of her life. I would give my life in a heartbeat if I could take the away her pain and memories. Before the disclosure, she was involved in her church youth group, and school band and choir. She went to college but dropped out, and now works in a minimum wage job. She's extremely smart, and actually had a scolarship to NAU which she lost. I can't seem to get her motivated to follow through with her dreams.

 

I went to drinking everyday just to kill the pain, but thank God I realized where that was headed so I've quit, which is where I am today.

I've lost the one and only true passion in my life, and I can't seem to get it back.

I used to devour all the AZ, NM, NV, and UT regulations as soon as the came out. I was constantly dreaming of my next season, and spent all my time practicing and gearing up for my next hunt.

 

I've let my health slip, and paid for it dearly last year on my elk hunt in 21. It's a painful pill to swallow when you realize you're losing your passion.

 

Hunting has been the one constant thoughout my entire life, and now I have to talk myself into even applying.

 

I still love hunting, but more and more find myself without the energy and enthusiasm to actually go.

 

If you've ever experienced anything like this, please tell me how you got your passion back. Prayers are always appreciated too. Thanks for listening.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Browning'sCustomMeat]

Prayer has been sent.

[couesdiehard]

coues,

Brother there is no shame in needing a friend or two to lean on. You sound like you may be suffering from depression. Sneaking stuff depression. It takes the fun out of most everything. I for one will pray for you and yours to receive healing. Meanwhile, take better care of yourself. As you start feeling stronger physically and mentally, you will probably find the passion for all the fun stuff start to return.

 

Lee

[willhunt4coues]

coues,

Brother there is no shame in needing a friend or two to lean on. You sound like you may be suffering from depression. Sneaking stuff depression. It takes the fun out of most everything. I for one will pray for you and yours to receive healing. Meanwhile, take better care of yourself. As you start feeling stronger physically and mentally, you will probably find the passion for all the fun stuff start to return.

 

Lee

 

 

+1. You also may want to go see a doctor about your depression and see if he can help. Maybe he can give you a jump start. My prayers are with you. You know your friends would want you to keep going and not give up.

Clay

[coueschaser3]

Gary,

 

My prayers are with you. For you who dont know Gary is a heck of a guy, exchanged info on hunts we both had tags for without ever caring if another person who he didnt know at the time was in the area he was. It is probably because of him that i got the bull i did on my hunt.....200 yards from his the next day.

 

I have been in something similar even at my young age, it lasted over a year and was for reasons much less serious as yours. i would be glad to talk on the phone sometime or get out scouting and talk. Also i still have your map i gotta get back to you, so theres a good excuse. I hope things turn up, my girlfriend and i will pray for you and your family and i wish you the best. -Tim

[kphunter]

I concur with some of the other folks, sounds like depression. Because you know what your passions are and are desperate to get back the feelings you used to feel while hunting and in the outdoors. Problem is, the depression is preventing you from feeling it.

 

Get in touch with your doctor and/or counselor so you can begin therapy which may or may not include prescription medication. You've been through some tough times, and don't be afraid to ask for help 'cause it's out there and it's time to get your life back.

[couesridge]

prayers are on the way

[Hunterdan]

My Prayers are with you. I understand a little what you are going through. I have had a few trials myself this last year. I see by your post you believe in God. Look to Christ he is the answer. He promised to never leave are forsake you if you put your trust and faith in him.

[Rembrant]

Gary,

Hang in there. God has you right where He wants you. You are asking for prayer. You are dependant on HIS power. That's a good place to be, because from there, you can view the world differently. A lot of people on this site believe hunting is the most important thing in the world. This may sound crazy, but it's not.

The planet is awesome, but this world stinks. And we are not made for this world; we are made for eternity. The world was made for us; not for our every desire, and a cake-walk life, but for us to walk through the krap and come out the other side knowing more about love.

You have an advantage over most people. They think this planet and thier lives are all there is. How sad.

Depression? Good chance, but what the heck is depression? You should get that checked out, but please don't buy into that medication trap. If you already have, it is probably what's bothering you.

If you're not currently in church, go back. If you don't like the church you're in, go find one you can tolerate, and get involved. You can help with molestation victims and thier families. You can help with grieving people. You are qualified.

Surround yourself with Christian men.

Your Heavenly Father wants a closer relationship with you, Gary. Give it to Him.

You didn't ask for advice - you asked for prayer. I give you advice, and have already prayed for you and will continue.

Your passion for the outdoors? The outdoors will never be the same for you Gary. You've seen too much, and you know too much to ever pursue the outdoors in the same way ever again. Find out what God has in store for you. Hunting will pale in comparison. Jesus needed to climb hills to get away from the crowds. He needed quiet time. You will too. So go, and enjoy, take a brother with you - there's alot to talk about.

Call me if you want to - any time, (928-699-4023).

Hang in there buddy, God loves you,

Mike

[Coues 'n' Sheep]

Gary,

 

I'd have to agree with the thought that it is depression.... and that is one mean critter. It is hard to fight something you can't see or feel. It is like carbon monoxide... a silent killer. You just gotta Jump at life.... get out there! Your hunting buddies are lookin' down and wondering why you have not found new hunting partners to share the mountains and trails with. You have got to let go of the past and step into the future.... You can never go back and right the wrongs that created these demons that haunt you... you have to force yourself to let the past go. What does not kill us makes us stronger! You are worth far more to your daughter healthy and alive.... You have both been through alot, and hopefully that has brought you closer together... You need each other now more than ever and now the two of you must embrace the future together be each other's strength and motivation.... Maybe some father daughter camping and fishing trips?? Just a thought.... And as for your hunting.... Man... hunting is suppose to set you free... You need to get out there and remember why were there in the first place. The horns are gunna start to drop soon... it is the perfect time to be outdoors camping, scouting, re-aquainting yourself with old honey holes.... it will help heal those wounds and the pains of loss to embrase those memories and honor your "hunting brother's" memories by trudging upward and onward... into your new hunting adventures! Ther are a bunch of guys on here that would share a campfire with you... and that my friend is the best therapy of all!

 

Best of luck and Godspeed, Man!! I know that I speak for more than just myself when I say that we are pulling for you! ....And are always ready to help a hunting brother in need.... just ask!

[KGAINES]

My prayers are sent.

Go to church, go see a doctor, go hunting, fishing, or hiking; pick one, your best bet might be to talk with a friend, whatever it takes to get you back on your feet.

Take Care and God Bless

[NRS]

Prayers have been sent.

God gave you a great gift when he put those mentors in your life that taught you so much and fired your passion up. You can in turn use the passion and gift from God to mentor others as you were mentored. Find a church and get involved in the men's group or as a mentor to jr high or high school groups and teach them about the outdoors and hunting.

[Jimmer Negamanee]

Prayer sent. PM sent.

[presnative]

Gary, (coues)

Sorry for you and whats happened to your daughter. Rembrant had some real wisdom. You were created to love God and be loved by your God. Give those feelings of guilt in regards of your daughter to the Lord! The Lord wants to fix your brokenness. Get plugged-in with a church family that is Christ centered. Are enemy wants you to feel guilty, discouraged and, hopeless. He is a lier!!!!!!!! My wife and I will pray for you and your daughter. Our God is faithful just open your heart.

 

Free in Christ,

 

Cody

 

Jeremiah 29:11

Proverbs 3:5-6

[4Falls]

You'll be in my prayers brother.